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Okay.

When did it become okay?

When did staying because of love become okay? I remember when I was little and my house would shake from the anger and the door slams. I remember hiding in the garage waiting to hear everything rattle because my dad would so forcefully slam the door that even the outside would shake and I knew it was okay to go inside again. But inside I saw worse things like my mother crying. I think my first heartbreak was having to help my mom pick up the pieces after my father left here. 

When did it become okay to steal something from somebody because you felt the need to? My second heartbreak wasn’t from my father or even a boyfriend. It came from a stranger who decided he had every right to take away my innocence at the age of 15 because he was 19 and more strong than I was. I remember pretending like everything was okay because his knuckles were bleeding from hitting a car window and I was afaird I would become the next car window. I remember locking myself in the tiny bathroom of a dirty apartment to smoke a cigarette because I was broken and alone and my phone was dead. 

When did become okay to not believe in loyalty just because you are afraid of commitment? My third heartbreak happened my sophomore year as well when I realized some guys and girls think love isn’t meant to stay between two people but 3 or 4 sometimes even more. I stayed all the way till my junior year because I was afraid of having to hide more bruises then just the ones on my wrist. 

When did become okay to lie to someone for sex? My fourth heartbreak happened after I left my ex and had my first time constentually with someone I thought cared deeply about me. I was wrong when I was left behind for a blonder Skinner version of me. 

When did become okay to abuse someone because you were angry. Ask somebody how hard is it to cover up a bruise? Not on the outside but on the inside because loud voices make me shake and I flinch when strangers touch me and I cant be around to many people or I panic and it’s all because I was too weak to leave or see that ” I didn’t mean too” was nothing but an excuse. 

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18 years of living 👽🍁💨 Living life on the edge of regret

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