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New Year, New Pain

It all started 2 days before New Year’s Eve, Tuesday, I saw him, the love of my life. Or so I thought. He played with these words and kissed my forehead, but forehead kisses turn to cheek kisses and cheek kisses to mouth kisses, and mouth kisses moved into sex. We were connected, something new, I drove home happy. From Tuesday Night into Thursday Night those were the happiest moments of my life. But happy for me usually doesn’t last long, and my fantasy was about to come to an end. New Year’s Eve I was back at his house and we were alone before the party was to start and we made love, like never before. I was so happy, and in love. He kissed me and told me he loved me. I believed him. He lied. 9pm rolls around and she walks in. He jumps right up runs to the door and hugs her all tight. My heart sank to the floor and the tears whelmed in my eyes I rushed to the bathroom where I locked the door and sank to the floor, pleading to god to take me away. I walked out to the bathroom with red eyes, found the nearest bottle and chugged till it stinged, shots of fireball till it burned, vodka, and kinky; shot after shot till the room was fuzzy. But the pain was still there so I turned to nicotine  a familiar friend. Till walking was hard. He kept apologizing but alcohol kissed lips where unblinding his bullshit. He didnt love me. He used me. He didnt care if I drove home wasted. He didnt care he fucked me.

He doesn’t care I can’t sleep. He doesn’t care I can’t look at myself. He doesn’t care I loved myself so much I destroyed myself. He doesn’t care. 

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18 years of living 👽🍁💨 Living life on the edge of regret

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